I feel bad about Nora.

          A gifted writer I admire has passed away. Surely you've heard of Nora Ephron.

          She is the author of bestsellers "Heartburn" and "Crazy Salad", and "I Feel Bad About My Neck". Nora received Academy Award nominations for Best Original Screenplay for "When Harry Met Sally", "Silkwood", and "Sleepless in Seattle", which she directed as well. She wrote "You've Got Mail" and the play, "Imaginary Friends".

          Few people have brought so much joy to so many. Here's a bit of what she wrote about handbags: "I hate my purse. I absolutely hate it. This is for women who hate their purses, are bad at purses, who understand that their purses are reflections of negative housekeeping, hopeless disorganization, a chronic inability to throw anything away, and an on-going failure to handle the obligations of a demanding and difficult accessory. The obligation, for example, that it should, in some way, match what you're wearing."

           I loved the way Nora Ephron wrote,the way she thought. She was sharpened to a precise instrument. If she was famous for anything, it was her vulnerabilities.We have that in common. Not being famous, being vulnerable. She said that when she was young, she wanted to write like Dorothy Parker.

           I hope you don't think it's inappropriate, but I'd like to end with this Nora Ephron comment, which I've laughed out loud about for years: "Sometimes I think that not having to worry about your hair anymore is the upside of death."

           Goodbye, Nora. We should've told you long ago that we loved you just as you were.

To hop or not.

         A headline in Advertising Age got my attention: "Intelligent job hopping now the best way to achieve job security". I guess that depends on how you define "intelligent job".

         My entire career in advertising was based on job hopping, I don't ever remember being secure. I hopped just about every time someone offered me a new job. It always sounded better than where I was at. Suddenly my present job seemed a lot less good than it did the day before.

          It wasn't just the money. It was the scope of the new position. The authority, the budget, the "opportunity".

          According to the piece in Ad Age, there are four big advantages to changing jobs:

          1. Experience. "Every agency works with different brands that require distinctive thinking and ideas." So I guess you get experience but the client doesn't. That's silly.

          2. Networks. "It's all about who you know." I've known a lot of great people in the ad business. Every time you leave an agency, you kiss them goodbye, usually for good. Except for your now-ex-boss, for whom you've created a lot of problems by leaving.

          3. Salary bump. "Probably the best way to increase your pay." And your unhappiness, unless you're very lucky.

         4. Creative fertilizer. "Most people need change and a chance to reinvent themselves." True, most do. The good people are already reinvented.

          By now you get my point. I've job-hopped a lot, and it's a lot like falling in love with anyone who sends you a valentine or asks you to dance. I would've been just as well off staying put all these years. And if you're the type of person who's willing to continue learning all the time, you'll keep learning while staying put.

           I must admit I don't know how job-hopping gets you more security. It's always taken mine away, and taken about a year or two to get it back.

     

It's been a (long) year.

        For those of you who haven't been counting, I've written 365 of these pieces in the last year, one a day no matter what. "No matter what" covers a lot of ground.

        When I first started, my nephew Jeremy urged me on. Jeremy is in L.A., where he's the Mac technician to the stars, and a very good guy. His company name is Macman. But even his familial loyalty gave out after a month or so, and I haven't heard from him since.

         All of these pieces have been written for educational purposes. Writing them is how I educate myself. My students of advertising and marketing say they like them as well. Maybe I should give them a quiz.

         The other morning one of my colleagues told me this blog has a lot to offer. I asked how she happened to read it and she said it was recommended by a friend of hers who teaches in the United Arab Emirates. He emailed her that he recommends it to his students.

         An average of a thousand different people read this every month. That's scary. It really whips up my anxiety level.

         On days I commute from Berkeley to San Francisco, I write these in the morning on BART, the trans-Bay train. The other days I write them at  PIQ, the wonderful Italian coffee house in Berkeley. Then I edit them in the evening and post them first thing in the morning. It's become an obsession.

         Starting today, I hope to go on a different schedule. Mondays-Wednesdays-Fridays. But since there are hundreds you haven't read, you're still invited to come here tomorrow. That would be good.

         When I first became an ad agency creative director, I was a wreck. The title was great, but what if all my time was taken up doing administrative stuff? So I decided to take advantage of my new position and assign all the interesting jobs to myself. People started grumbling, but then I decided it was not only fine but appropriate. Those kinds of tough problems deserved my thinking.

          Besides, every writer has to write. Thus, my blog.

          I'd like to hear from you, so please keep commenting. That way, I won't run out of ideas. Hopefully, neither will you.

         See you Wednesday.

Changing the odds in "The Pitch".

          Biographer Walter Isaacson quoted Steve Jobs: "There's a temptation in our networked age to think that ideas can be developed by e-mail and iChat. That's crazy."

           Jobs knew that creativity came from people meeting spontaneously and having random discussions. That is, when ideas don't come from one brilliant creative person just thinking by herself.

           When I was Creative Director at Chevrolet's ad agency in Detroit, we called it "a 360° walk around the problem". It was a technique for revealing every useful concept, and I've used it successfully for many new business pitches.

           I realized early on that expecting a potential client to hire your agency based on one or two ideas was almost like daring them to hire you. The odds were terrible.

          So we always told a client that we started off by looking at ideas from every point of view. For cars, for example, an historic point of view, a woman's point of view, a family's point of view, a technological point of view, an economic point of view, various social and psychological points of view, and so on.

          Once we introduced our "walk", we got over 80% of all the accounts we pitched, large and small.The ultimate test was a few years later when we made our presentation to the Mexican Tequila Producers' Association. Their marketing committee came to visit us at Interpublic's offices in Chicago for their $10-million account and I presented an elaborate version of a "360° Walk Around Tequila". It took a good 45 minutes and the next morning we were awarded the account. That's when I was first told how great that was, because nobody on their committee spoke or understood English.

          Steve Jobs was right again. Our agencies' ideas were arrived at nose to nose, pencil to paper. Nothing phoned in, texted, or Skyped in.

          I'll drink to that.

Lonely enough to face Facebook?

           The Atlantic is worried. In their May, 2012 issue, the magazine asked, "Is Facebook Making Us Lonely?"

           The article by Stephen Marche says that we never have been lonelier or more narcissistic. "This loneliness is making us mentally and physically ill." He calls it an epidemic.

           Marche's condemnation is flat out. "We live in an accelerating contradiction: the more connected we become, the lonelier we are. We were promised a global village; instead we inhabit the drab cul-de-sacs and endless freeways of a vast suburb of information."

          He admits that while solitude can be lovely, crowded parties can be agony. "Loneliness is not a matter of external conditions; it is a psychological state," he says. 

          The article quotes the UCLA Loneliness Scale, which shows loneliness rising drastically over a very short period recently. Is social media to blame, even partly?

          Research shows that today we meet fewer people in person, as we increase our "friendships" in social media dramatically. To discuss our real problems, we hire 77,000 clinical psychologists, 30,000 social workers, 400,000 non-clinical social workers, 50,000 marriage and family therapists, 105,000 mental-health counsellors, 220,000 substance abuse counsellors, 17,000 nurse-therapists, and 30,000 life coaches.

          And being lonely is bad for our health. Marche says technology is enabling our tendancy for isolation. Here are some things to think about:

          1. Does Facebook encourage more contacts outside of family, at the expense of family contacts?

          2. Do lonely people spend more and more time on Facebook? Is it a substitute for personal relationships?

          3. Does "Liking" substitute for expressing yourself fully?

          4. Is wandering through Facebook a lonely task or a social task for you?

          The article concludes that loneliness is not something that social media is doing to us. It's something we're doing to ourselves.

          Whatever is going to become of solitude?

Threatened by a little bug.

           I owe you an update on my Volkswagen Beetle. You've heard how thrilled I was to own one, and I haven't had a moment's trouble. From the car.

          The Beetle I bought is a beige convertible. Car people call it a camel ragtop. It is what it is.

           I think it should be re-named the Rodney Dangerfieldmobile. Driving it, I get no respect.

           People in every other make and model are passing me up, cutting me off, going around me, and generally letting me know that their Dodges and Subarus are much more important than my Beetle. Much more stature and substance.

           It's something I've never experienced before, and I certainly wasn't prepared. Of course I'm evolved enough to understand that it's just envy. Piston envy, I guess.

           These so-called other motorists have undoubtedly been wanting a VW Beetle since they were in high school, at home studying for their drivers' license eye tests. They've always wanted a car that gets in small parking places, has a trunk big enough for a loaf of bread, and no ego. In other words, a car that either says they're cool or on the runway for take-off to their midlife crises.

           I really don't know how to get even with them. My driving is pretty normal and I want it to stay that way. I certainly can't tell grown men that they wasted their youth, that love makes the world go 'round, and that they should stop and smell the roses instead of cutting me off at the corner.

           Incidentally, it's always men who are this rude and ruthless. The women are too busy on their cellphones to notice.

Here's Johnny.....

           Ed McMahon had a great quote on a recent TV documentary about Johnny Carson. He said, about being a sidekick, "You had to be good, but not too good".  I've been there, done that in advertising.

           I've paid my dues as the sidekick to a variety of creative directors, each with their own priorities and their own schtick. It wasn't easy.

          As Associate Creative Director, I worked for one CD who simply left it up to me to get all the department's work done. He knew I could be depended on to get everything done, even if I had to do a ton of it myself. He said I was "the perfect combination of the Protestant work ethic and Jewish guilt". He spent most of his time at lunch.

          Another creative director loved my work, discussed his problems with me --- until his envy finally emerged. After a meeting he threw a dart into one of my layouts he had presented in the meeting. Being the strong, silent type, I never did tell him why I quit.

         Still another creative director I worked for simply over-creative-directed. Everything had to be exactly his way. He came to every meeting equipped with two red pencils and two red pens. He re-wrote people's copy on the spot. When I left he offered me a huge raise to stay. But it was blood money.

         Throughout these tenures, I learned to be "good but not too good". It had its rewards. Good pay, a good title, a good amount of respect. I agreed to be second banana in return for less responsibility. I could always duck and let my boss take the fall for unpopular decisions.

          But I also had less authority to do things my way. I eventually let myself become the top banana and took the bad with the good. It had its painful moments (such as when you come in second on a new account). Ultimately it felt more honest.

         My advice to you: go for it!

(Footnote: Top banana and second banana are burlesque and vaudeville terms. The second banana takes it in the kisser with the soda water. The top banana is the comic who does the spritzing.)



 

If it isn't denial, it's self-justification.

           The more I read about social psychology, the more I know we in marketing and advertising have a lot to learn.

           One big area is self-justification. We humans are constantly trying to convince ourselves we're doing the right thing.

            In a study of smokers who lit up between one and two packs of cigarettes daily, 60% considered themselves "moderates". These people were very aware of the long-run dangers of smoking. They just took a subjective way out. Social psychologists say we are not only motivated to want to be right, we are motivated to believe we are right.

            Here's another example. Let's say you're trying to decide between two cars --- a small VW Jetta and a full-size Acura SUV. You read the research, talk to people, and decide on the Acura. Why? You identify more with SUV owners. You conclude you'll keep it far longer than the Jetta. You'll think about how majestic it makes you feel, and all the amazing weekend trips you'll take now that you'll have the proper wheels.

            All rationales, of course, and you use them well. Even after you own the Acura, you'll read the Acura ads more carefully than ever. They'll help stave off buyers' remorse.

            According to UC Santa Cruz professor Elliot Aronson, this sort of thing is natural. After we spend a chunk of money, dissonance sets in. This is because nothing is 100% perfect, and the alternative we rejected is never 100% awful.

           A safe way to reduce the dissonance, Aronson says, is the advertising. It can be counted on not to disparage your choice. In fact, new buyers of cars steer clear of ads for other makes; they don't want their decision to be shaken, as we de-emphasize the negative attributes of what we've bought.

           Do we ever think of this kind of thing when we prepare our marketing plans? Nope. Should we? Yes. We should try to decide if it's relevant, and if so, how we can put it to good use.

           The psyche is a wonderful thing. And each of our customers has one.

     

Tumbling ads.

The c.e.o. of Tumblr, David Karp, has been concentrating on growing its user base, and is doing quite well at it.  There were 58 million unique visitors in March, compared to 26 million a year ago.

         But he doesn't want to sell ads on users' blogs. Even though Tumblr as over 53 million blogs on the site, Karp said the company was "pretty opposed to advertising". He said that "it really turns our stomachs".

         Good for him. He may be right that bloggers won't like ads on their works, but maybe he should give them an income-sharing option the way Google does. Google gets a lot of takers, and nobody's the worse for it.

         So far I haven't accepted the notion of ads for this site. I use this space to critique ads, and don't  want to feel inhibited. Maybe that's a mistake.

         Ads are everywhere these days. Because newspapers seem to be slowly fading and social media are taking up so much of our time and attention, advertisers are looking for places to promote their goods. Ads are atop taxis, and inside. You can't even go to a hotel bathroom without seeing ads.

         Tumbler will probably give in over time. They'll do well. The question for advertisers is whether Tumbler is a good place to advertise. Will they get a good return on dollar spent? Will they get quality responses?

         Tumbler says it will try to sell a small number of ads on its directory and dashboard pages.  Instead of getting nauseous over advertising, Tumbler will have to get serious before advertisers will take them for a tumble.

         I hope they do. I like Tumblr, especially with all the "e's" I don't have to type.

   

The flavor line in advertising.

            When I started out in advertising in Chicago, there were such titles as Executive Art Director and Copy Chief. They each reported to the Creative Director, and had their own area of expertise. Sort of.

             Our agency was trying to emulate the model of Doyle Dane Bernbach, the agency that changed everything. Writers and art directors were encouraged to work together on a problem, but we were small (six of each) and art directors always seemed to have more to do. As a result, we writers often had to start alone. "I'll catch up with you" was the call of the art director.

             It could be frustrating. By the time the A.D. was free, the writer had come up with a concept she was in love with, but had to humor her partner to come to the same conclusion.

             One of the brightest people in our agency was the copy chief, Carl Lyren. He joined the agency from Leo Burnett Co. and was thrilled to be at a small agency, free of any bureaucracy.

             Carl was a foodie before that word was invented, and spent a lot of time on the Wish-Bone Salad Dressing account. I loved the way his mind worked; always going for what Mr. Burnett had called "the inherent drama" in a product. Carl found that drama in the Wish-Bone "flavor line", as he called it. Where the oil and vinegar separated, and the spices collected. He was constantly trying to find new ways to tell that story of that Italian authenticity.

              I was assigned to the Jim Beam Bourbon account, but there was very little to do. The client just wanted the slogan, "The World's Finest Bourbon Since 1795" and a big bottle. Carl had me experimenting with new ways to tell that story, but after a few months, turned me loose on Healthknit underwear, Corina Cigars, Carling beer, and other accounts. I was a happy camper.

           Carl quit and moved to New York. He had received a big offer from Grey Advertising, and wanted to prove himself of Madison Avenue. He did very well and then suddenly quit there to write a cookbook. It was called "French Cooking for the American Table" and Carl wrote it with Rene Verdun, the famous White House chef.

            After the book, Carl became a sought-after freelance writer, and when I had a chance I was able to hire him on Bank One, in Chicago. Carl was terrific, but commuting to Chicago became too hard. I haven't seen him since.

           I'm grateful to Carl for the opportunities he gave me and all he taught me. We all need someone to show us the flavor line between good advertising and great.

Breakfast at Subway's.

Yesterday I watched another episode of "The Pitch" on AMC. I found it scarier than any episode of "24" ever was.

           It sort of hitchhikes on "Mad Men". "The Pitch" is a reality show about two advertising agencies pitching a new account. One wins the account, the other gets a "thanks for your hard work" and goes away.

           The episode I watched was about two ad agencies --- one in Los Angeles and the other in North Carolina --- presenting their ideas for promoting a new breakfast menu at Subway's. The stated objective was to convince people 18 to 24 to get their breakfasts there. A pretty tough audience. The younger ones are strapped for money and for all of them, a good breakfast isn't what it used to be.

           The North Carolina ad agency presented two ideas that were pretty close to the ground.  One was about talking breakfast items (I forgot what the sandwich said to the scone) and the other a rap.

           The L.A. shop's presentation was snappier, about "Breakfast Zombies". I won't give away who won, in case you want to watch it on xfinity.com. But what made me nervous was the tension of it all. How many times have I been there, 100% into the game.

           The managers at the agency in North Carolina seemed hard-edged competitive. Shockingly so. Nervous and negative. The L.A. people were very laid-back, confident they knew what they were doing. At least on the outside. Inside they were probably jelly, because jam don't shake like that.

           Yes, an all-or-nothing game. Advertising is a tough business. Win or lose,though, none of the people looked like they'd trade it for a good accounting job.

           As someone said, advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.

The Cosmic Blonde in all of us.

In his book, "On Paradise Drive", David Brooks shares this insight:

           "The inescapable fact is that the universe is divided between Blondes and Brunettes. This is not a matter of the color of one's hair. This is a cosmic trait. The Cosmic Blonde floats through life on a beam of sunshine, from success to success. The Cosmic Brunette obsesses and reflects, frets and fumes, turns inward...writes and reads books, worries, condemns and evaluates, judges, discerns and doubts. The Cosmic Blonde water-skis."

            Brooks admits there are "brunettes of the soul, and vice versa." Regardless of our hair color, we have to admit there are these two types of people in the world.

            As marketers, we probably have both types in our target markets. Because there are so many kinds of people, we have to understand them if we are to sell to them.

            There are, of course, "universal benefits" in many products. We all want to look attractive and smell good, for example. We all want to be healthy, and know what we need to achieve our goals.

             For most products, though, we have to learn how to satisfy people's needs before we can interest them in our product. (For example, with perfume, we need to know if someone would buy it to smell good, to attract a lover, or to be like everybody else.)  When we don't, we risk leaving out large numbers of people. Today we can't afford to leave them out by neglect. Even though their norms and desires may be completely different than your own.

             For example, would the Cosmic Blonde want a Vespa for the same reason a Cosmic Brunette would? How do we know for sure? The Cosmic Brunette may worry about her Vespa being stolen while she's at work, while the Cosmic Blonde wants to make sure she is seen in it. 

             I don't feel comfortable with how Brooks categorizes people, but the biggest danger in advertising is to think everyone is exactly like you, and feels the way you do. They don't. We can't become myopic. 

            I'm a greying Cosmic Brunette, myself. I wonder what I mean by that?

A pushover for briefcases.

Dunhill ads really have class. This morning's paper has an ad for their Bourdon document case. It features a  quote from "The Secret Agent", by Joseph Conrad:

            "I'm afraid that if you want to go down in history you'll have to do something for it."

            I want that briefcase. Everyone will know it contains secret documents, and that I'm on a mission for the Queen. I'm cool, confident, and beautifully groomed. We leave tonight at midnight.

            That's saying a lot for a briefcase. A student of mine said his father told him that if he ever wanted to amount to anything, there are two things a man should have: a good white shirt and a good watch. I'd give the shirt off my back for this document case.

            I've seen a lot of ads for briefcases over the years, and they're all pretty much the same. Pretty much the same as this one, in fact. They all seem to have distinguished men in pin-striped suits holding the love object.

           But what makes this ad different is the quote. It puts the Bourdon document case in a class by itself. There's a story there, a romance. It becomes a badge of importance, gravitas, enviable worldliness. You have to admit that's a lot for a few words to add.

          The Dunhill people also assure you that it's chrome tanned leather (whatever that means) with stainless steel hardware. Nice to know, but who cares? This case can take you into history.

           For the price of a briefcase, even a Dunhill briefcase, that's not a bad bargain.

The business side of social media.

Most U.S. companies now use social networks. Do they use them well, or just use them? Here's the research.

            A study by InSites Consulting indicates that 66% have a Facebook page, 51% have a Twitter account, and 44% have a Linkedin page. Here's the rub: only 16% say their social marketing efforts are "fully integrated across the organization".

            Most companies are using social media tactically, rather than as a part of a well-orchestrated marketing program.

           Those who are fully integrating it say they are getting results in three important ways. More effective marketing communications; higher consumer satisfaction; and stronger financial returns.

            So, you ask, what does it take? According to the study, three types of changes are needed to integrate social media into the organization. Personal change, structural change, and cultural change.

            Employees have to be open to technology --- and new technologies. The company has to be ready to educate employees in social media, have social media training programs, and the top execs have to be active in social media themselves.

           Companies  have to have a clear view of how to use social media. They have to include them in the media plans and understand how to use them. And what not to do, as well. Companies should encourage their people to freely use social media personally, to get involved in it.

           At the same time, a company's values have to be clearly defined, and they have to be as important as the business strategy. Everyone has to understand these values, to speak with a unified voice.

           Now you understand why so few companies have fully integrated social marketing. They don't really know how to use it. Social marketing isn't advertising, and it isn't public relations, and only sometimes it's sales promotion. And financial return can be kind of murky if you don't know how to measure it.

           There. Now I've got to check my Linkedin profile.

Is the town too small, or are you?

When I was Associate Creative Director at Detroit's largest ad agency, one of our best writers quit and left this sign on his office door: "I've gone to Chicago to become rich and famous".

           His name was Tom and I had lunch with him recently in Chicago. I must report he's neither rich nor famous. He's having a good time freelancing, and is known among a small circle of creative directors as being a large talent and good to work with, but not rich and famous.

           Do we all have to go to a bigger city to achieve our dreams in marketing? I think not. Nike got huge in Beaverton, Oregon. Fallon became a worldwide creative power in Minneapolis. GDS&M became formidable in Austin, Texas. The North Face is in Berkeley, California. Gatorade is from Indianapolis.

           It's not how big the city is. It's how big your ideas are.

           Everyone's got to start somewhere, and the advertising and marketing jobs are more plentiful in New York and Chicago. That's where the biggies are, for the most part.

           When Willie Sutton, a famous bank robber, was asked why he robs banks, he said that's where the money is. He said he goes where the money is, and he goes there often. That's a marketing plan that could work well for you.

            I always was trying to angle a way to get transferred here, to San Francisco. My bosses always said no, everyone wants to go to San Francisco, and we need you here. Many years ago, when Hal Riney left McCann here to work for Ogilvy, my friend Jerry Andelin got me an interview and I was chosen to be the new C.D. For family reasons, I turned it down, and it took until I had my own agency to find a way back.

            You can be a star anywhere --- Milwaukee, Baltimore, Kansas City, or New Orleans. One ad agency, CPB, made Miami an ad center overnight. Hill Holiday did the same for Boston. All you need is the talent.

            Just understand that when it comes time to move on you may have to leave town to get a good job. If you're very good, they'll come and find you.

            That's when you know you've found a career.

         

         

         
       

Should I offer 10%-off to read this?

          Amazon has announced that they will be offering coupons, to cash in on the demand that Groupon seems to have tapped into. The program is called Amazon Local, and its first market will be Chicago, Groupon's home base.

          Inevitable, I suppose. In our introductory course in Entrepreneurship, we talk about the value of having an "unfair advantage". Something that your competitor can't easily copy; expertise, a patent, and so on.

          I don't believe Groupon has an unfair advantage. They believe the style their offers are written in has an advantage. They say they have a distinctive humorous style. Groupon claims they choose their offer-writers on this basis, and say they have editors to protect this style.

          It's great that Groupon hires writers. It's hard to get writing jobs these days. But what's so funny about a coupon for a hike? And I've never found white-water rafting to be particularly hilarious. Hey, whatever tickles you.

          We Americans do love coupons. About 67% of all families use them. They've never gone out of style, regardless of what JC Penney says.

           Advertisers know there are two kinds of people who read the Sunday newspapers. The people who throw away all the coupon sections first, and the people who read them first. That's why advertisers know they have to reach both, and use both coupon ads and regular brand-building ads.

          The Internet is also big on coupons. I can't imagine opening my email and not getting coupons to try a new product or to stick with an old one.

          Groupon has put a little fun into coupons. So have Living Social and Restaurants.com and the others. They have "rules", which makes a little game out of it. Amazon is big and trustworthy, and they'll have clout in bringing us some hefty offers.

          And you must admit, two hours of whale-watching is a hefty offer.

     

Who are you going to influence today?

          The Harvard Business Review recently asked this question: What's your influencing style?  To help you along, the magazine provided these questions to ask yourself:

          1. Do you use logic and facts?

          2. Do you rely on rules, law, and authority?

          3. Do you look for compromises and make concessions?

          4. Do you communicate a sense of shared mission and inspirational appeals?

          5. Do you rely on building support and building coalitions?

          The publication went on with some further questions. How is this working for you? Are you more successful with certain types of people?

          In marketing and advertising, we have the potential of using the same kind of techniques you're comfortable with in your personal dealings.

          Unfortunately, logic and facts are the first to go these days in advertising campaigns. In the interest of "fewer words" we drop them. Too bad. Reasons have always been part of a salesperson's tool kit. They disarm skeptics.

          Personal confidence is important. It's easy to spot, and when it's missing, devastating. Your position, your tone of voice --- everything communicates it.

         Negotiating has a place, too. Your offers reflect this: "Order now and we'll..." Are you willing to give a little?

         Stories and metaphors are the basis of most salesmanship. We all love stories, and the best ads tell stories about products. Check out the Chanel commercial that takes place on the Orient Express.

         Connecting is crucial on social media these days, and relationship-building is the name of the game. People would trust someone on Facebook they don't know more than they'd trust a corporation.  Put referrals and endorsements to work.

         No two companies have the same influencing style. Most have a combination. Maybe we should go over this list now and then, to improve on our own.

Always leave 'em laughing.

         In the '70s and '80s, when clients asked Doyle Dane Bernbach if they always did humorous commercials, the answer was no. "We don't do humorous commercials. We do human commercials."

         There's no way to improve on that answer. A client could question humor as a selling technique, but not human. Someone could say "I don't think that's funny" but funny wasn't the point. Relating to people was the point.

         David Ogilvy, another bigger than life figure in modern advertising, was clearly against using humor. "Nobody buys anything from a clown", he said. Perhaps he had a point there.If I answered my front door and there was a clown there with something to sell, I'd be scared out of my wits.

         But advertising is different. Humor gives us permission to be listened to. It enables us to give a little gift to a tired viewer who certainly didn't come home after a hard day at work to watch us talk about cars and candy. Humor helps us plant an idea memorably, and maybe even get our commercials watched again on YouTube.

         I've known a lot of funny people in advertising. One good friend had been the head of the studio card division at American Greetings. "Studio card" is greeting card talk for humorous. He went on to become Vice Chairman at Doyle Dane Bernbach. They obviously liked his ability to be human.

         Another friend of mine had been a lounge comedian in Indiana. That was before he became chairman of a large international ad agency.

         When I worked at the ad agency now known as Publicis, I became known for writing humorous commercials. To a fault. Creative people were constantly at my door asking me to add a funny "spin" on the end of their commercials. Which is usually impossible. As every comedy writer knows, in creating a joke you have to know the punch line before you begin.

         I'm having trouble ending this piece because by now you're expecting me to be funny and whenever that happens, I'm not. But don't worry. Tomorrow about 3 o'clock I'll think of something hysterical. Stay tuned.

Soap suds.

         I'm on my way under San Francisco Bay, on BART, and staring at a poster inside the train car. I have no idea what it's about. Maybe you can help.

        The poster says "Save 20% on your first order. Free 1 - 2 day delivery." Then the logo: SOAP.com. That's all.

        Maybe they're talking to their present customers. No, it says "on your first order". I guess I could be interested if I knew what they do, but I don't. Do they sell soap? Just soap? All kinds of soap, liquid, powder, and bars? How much soap can a person use?

        Is there anything in the poster to encourage me to find out more? Nope. Just a picture of a splash of water. Makes sense when you're selling to people who use soap. I can't imagine one person on this train saying "I can't wait to get to my computer so I can order more soap. It's 20% off, you know!"

       Why do advertisers do this to themselves? Why can't they put themselves in their customers' shoes and figure out how to get them to their Web site?

        One of the first lessons that was pounded into me as a young copywriter was to ask, "Is it interesting to the customer?" Fail on this one and you fail everything.

        Very few people on this train are reading something. One is dozing. The rest are looking around. I'm sure they've seen the SOAP.com poster and are sure they don't need to place an order.

        Oh, look! On the back of the train there's another poster for the same company. It says "From floor wax to bikini wax at prices that aren't a rip off". Good to know. No just soap. Also wax.

        Sometimes marketers get a little too close to their products and forget that the world is not about soap, floor wax, or bikini wax. The world is about people.

        People who rather think their own thoughts than try to figure out what you do.

Charity begins with salad.

         On my very first real job with an ad agency in Chicago, there was a call to help solve a serious problem: starvation.

         The people in Bafra were starving and all the ad agencies got together to ask their clients for contributions of their products. One of our clients was Wish-Bone salad dressing. We couldn't believe it when we heard back that Wish-Bone was contributing 100 cases of Wish-Bone Low Calorie Dressing.
I don't know what the Corina Cigar people contributed.

         Working pro-bono for charities and causes has always been a big part of advertising agency life. Over the years I did magazine campaigns for the Community Chest using Peanuts characters. Charles Schulz even said I did a good job. I've also headed up the national United Way advertising campaign. We got Saul Bass to do their logo (the hand holding a family and topped with a rainbow) as well as all the ads and commercials.

         I got good at writing theme-lines for causes. For the A.R.C., I wrote "When you give help, you give hope" --- with a dove flying off the logo. For the United Way, "Thanks to you, it's working". It was the first time a cause had thanked people in advance. For the President's National Center for Voluntary Action, I wrote "If you want a better country, raise your hand".

        Doing this kind of work keeps everybody fresh. Agencies love it because it looks good on their client list. The creative people love it because it gives them something new to think about besides Charmin tissues or Lean Cuisine.

        My most enjoyable project was working with John Delorean, the car maven. He was head of Chevrolet at the time, and had learned about the Police Athletic League in New York and wanted to re-create it in Detroit. PAL was a great organization where the police, on their own, bought sports equipment for poor kids and helped them learn baseball and the rest. I went to New York with my friend Tom Murray to learn more.

        We stayed at the Sutton Place Hotel, on Central Park South. After a good breakfast, we'd get in a cab to take us to the Grand Concourse in the Bronx. But the cab wouldn't go farther. We had to switch to a jitney cab (they're usually purple) to get to our destination, to see how PAL really worked. After two days, we knew. When we returned I wrote four of the most emotional ads of my career.

         Sometimes the things you get to sell are worth more than dollars.

       

     

   

Mad Boy hits the stalls.

          Richard Kirshenbaum has a new book out and I'm envious. It's called "Mad Boy" and it's about his experiences in the Mad Men days of advertising. I haven't read it yet, but I will.

          His ad agency is in New York, called Kirshenbaum and Bond. They're good, never really got big. They're the ones who did the wonderful (and inexpensive) ads that made Kenneth Cole famous.

          One I remember was simply a checklist of all the models, clothes, and locations they'd need for a big photo shoot (which, of course, never took place). Another was a graph of the stock market, explaining that while everyone was losing their shirts, it was good they were in the shoe business.

          The Kenneth Cole ads found their way into a book called "Footsteps", which every copywriter should read. It's amazing what you can do with a sharp pencil and paper.

           There was a time, before stock photography, when simple all-copy ads were quite common. Now, thanks to Getty et al, smiling faces are everywhere. They don't actually visualize anything, or serve any strategic purpose. They just look nice. And often distract from the message.

           When I was starting out, there were a lot of requests for low-budget or no-budget ads. My art-director friend Ross told me that when he was at Doyle Dane Bernbach in Los Angeles, he had to create a Volkswagen TV commercial with a $400 budget. He designed and sold the client on a very simple spot, grabbed a bunch of magic markers, and went to the TV station to do it himself. It was Ross' hands you saw drawing the outline of the Beetle, as he talked about it during the Rose Bowl telecast.

           Creating simple, inexpensive ads is hard work. Sometimes harder than big, elaborate ads.

            But they can be very easy to read.

       

Creative hiring.

         After years of recruiting creative people for advertising agencies, I still don't have a foolproof way of telling who's going to be great.

         Looking at my own "system", it tends to be a 60/40 proposition. Forty percent has to do with what's in their sample books. The 60 includes a lot of foo-foo dust.

         For one thing, a lot has to do with how the person will do in the agency culture. Are they fun and enthusiastic? Are they motivated to work on their own, or will they need a lot of hand-holding? Are they open and enjoyable to talk with?

         Importantly, do they easily share their feelings? Ad agency creative departments are little hot-houses of emotion. Some of it goes into the ads and commercials. The rest spills over. Or gets pent up.

         Another measure I've always used is strictly unscientific. Do I like them? I've rarely hired someone I didn't like, or at least wasn't prepared to. In advertising you practically have to live with your colleagues, days and sometimes nights. Nobody can avoid anybody.

         One quality that I've always looked into is the ability to process information quickly. I've found it a useful way to get a handle on a person's intelligence.

         I have to add that everyone is nervous on a job interview, and I try to discount that. That's where their portfolio of work comes in. Is it nervous, too --- or calm, confident, funny, and authoritative? Is it surprising and fun to look at, so you want to keep going, page after page? Do you secretly wish one or two of those ideas were yours? That's the ultimate test.

         Think of it this way. Creative directors don't need writers or art directors. They need two things: ideas and help.

         Be prepared to do more than you're paid for.

My two cents' worth on the one percent.

          A fashion marketing student of mine wanted to create a store for women to buy their Cotillion attire.

         He explained that the debutante season is really big in the South, and he wanted young women to come to him before they came out (as they say).

         The debutante season is a series of teas, parties, and dances where upper crust families formally announce the availability of their daughters. A Cotillion is the name given to the big party. It's actually the name of a dance, like the quadrille, where partners constantly change.

          No wonder the Great Gatsby had so many beautiful shirts. Even though he was from Long Island, you never know when someone will be coming out. One thing about the very rich, they do live in a style I'd like to become accustomed to.

          In my experience, when advertising people want to address the top tier, their work suddenly becomes more stilted and phony. They purse their lips, figuratively order a cup of Earl Gray and a scone, and lift their pinkies to pour.

         Their writing becomes stifled and sounds like a 1956 Cadillac ad. Words like "bejeweled" and "enchanted" pop up. Women in their ads become pale, men become old chaps, and cocker spaniels morph into toy Pekingese. 

          When I lived in Chicago, the people next door in my high rise had a daughter who was going through the debutante thing. She had to go for fittings and rehearsals, when all she wanted to do was walk her Manchester terrier. 

           Her parents were regular people.They had to dig their car out of the snow like everyone else, and were upset when someone tipped over their daughter's bike in the bicycle room. But they got into the social register, and that's what mattered. That became their life.

           I learned something I've carried with me my entire career, as I worked on ads for expensive cars and exclusive clubs, million dollar yachts, and hotels and resorts that charge an arm and a leg. This is it:

           There's no real difference between the rich and the poor. It's just better to be rich.

          

Have some coffee. We're going to the Gap.

         Yoki Katsura is quoted as saying, "Buying new clothes can be like giving yourself a new life". Yoki is senior vice president of global research and design for Fast Retailing's Uniqlo stores.

          As exaggerated as that claim of a new life sounds, ask anyone who owns a great leather jacket.  I know of no other single piece of clothing that can do so much for one's persona. By the time you put your arm in the second sleeve, you've become sharp, knowledgable, with it, and someone to be reckoned with.

          A denim jacket may come in second. A black North Face jacket, third.

           Uniqlo has only one U.S. store open right now, in New York, with a second to open soon in San Francisco. I have a hunch that once they become more ubiquitous, the Gap will have to wake up. Uniqlo takes updated traditional and actually makes it fun. Basic things, like t-shirts, sweaters, khakis, and even parkas. They have 1,085 stores in Japan, and no wonder. They get it right.

           The lesson here for marketers is to never stop experimenting. Never stop imagining, improving, going out on a limb. Once you stop, it's really hard to get the engine going again.

           Early in my professional life, I left the ad agency I was with to join a cosmetics company. It sounded glamorous. It was dull. A year later when the ad agency called me and asked if I would come back, I  jumped at it. But it took a while for my brain to get back to creative work. My first ads were dull, derivative. Then my brain clicked into gear. I was out of the box again, and thrilled.

          That's probably the story of the Gap. They couldn't get out of that box they're in, so they decided to sleep there. But it's become predictable, and the last thing you want is to look predictable.

          Put on your leather jacket, open the door, and be whoever you want to be.

Popularity isn't everything. Or is it?

          Every spring Bloomberg Business Week puts out their "popularity issue". I doubt if it's as popular as the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, but you can still observe a lot.

          For instance, trout flies (usually used for fishing) are now a big fashion item. On another fashion note, Tom Whiting, the world's largest producer of rooster feathers, now "harvests" more that 1,000 birds a week.

          For lasting popularity, the 20-year hero is "Law and Order". Producer Dick Wolf says,"It's the writing, stupid".

          The all-time best-selling garment is Levi's 501 jeans. Today, denim is a $14.7 billion industry in the U.S.  Marcus Wainwright, designer for Rag and Bone, says "Men's jeans have not changed, in effect, ever."

           The Alexander McQueen exhibit, "Savage Beauty, at the Metropolitan Museum, drew more than 650,000 people. The record Tweets-per-second is 7,000 --- July 18, 2001 at the FIFA Women's World Cup Soccer final. Zombies are all the rage in classic movies, and 41,860,000 pounds of mustard were produced here last year.

           Ever since high school, millions of Americans have been obsessed with popularity, and we should ask ourselves why. Certainly there's comfort in numbers. If everyone is playing "Story Cubes" at parties these days, you'll want to join in. One question is, should marketers be selling their products to people who want to fit in, or people who want to stand out? It depends --- on your product, your distribution, your prices, and everything else.

          But one thing is clear. In times like these, when it's so easy and fast to copy a product's features, differentiation depends more and more on branding. Branding in the larger sense. What does your brand say to people; what can it do for people? Keep building the brand and if you do it right, popularity will build.

          In England this year, the Middleton sisters have created a craze for sheer stockings. As a marketer you have to ask, how can I make sure it's my brand?

       

Money is the root.

           George Santayana, in his book "Character and Opinion in the United States", said this about our apparent love of money:

            "The American talks about money, because that is the symbol and measure he has at hand for success, intelligence, and power; but as to money itself he makes, loses, spends, and gives it away with a very light heart."

            I believe he's right. Why else would we be so happy to part with our money for shoes with red soles, or $98 for a t-shirt that says "Prada" on a small label inside. Obviously there are things more important than money.

            Every time we pull out our smart phones to check Facebook before we go home, we're voting for social connection rather than money. When we buy a Grande Macchiato and slowly sip it with our Maple Oat Scone, we've decided that being there is more important than the money.

           For the most part, we in this country have our needs pretty well attended to. We spend our money on experiences and other benefits.

           In marketing, the sense of that often escapes us. We tend to sell our age-defying makeup perhaps a bit too hard, and often other things not hard enough. When we spend a lot of money to buy a top-shelf vodka or tequila, are we really buying vodka or tequila? Or are we, to some extent, buying a badge to let everyone know who we are and what we value?

           We all say "money isn't everything" but we worry about money constantly. And when we get it, we don't always bank it. We often reward ourselves or make ourselves prettier, or let people know that we know what's best.

            When we go to Las Vegas, we come back with clothes and accessories we'll never wear at home. Our "Welcome to San Diego" pillows will never hit the living room couch.

            The psychology of persuasion is fascinating. Marketers who understand it have a chance of becoming rich and famous.

Working for a living

          When we were both starting out in advertising, I asked my art-director friend Ross what he liked about the work. He said "I get to wear a clean white shirt every day". That was a luxury his dad never had.

           Almost every day I think about how lucky we are. While some people are working deep in a mine, I'm chatting at the coffee machine. While some people are putting doors on cars, I'm critiquing television commercials. While some people are ironing clothes, or drilling teeth, or drilling for oil, I'm writing words on paper.

          I'm grateful. Doing advertising and marketing, and teaching skills that students will use the rest of their lives, are wonderful ways to spend the day.

          I have to admit, when someone asks you what you did at work, it can be embarrassing. "I drew little pictures on paper."  "I came up with a headline at lunch." "We talked about why some men hate to go clothes shopping." It almost sounds like we didn't do anything that kids don't do --- we  played around with words and pictures and talked about stuff.

          But that's how creativity works. The demand on creative people to come up with something new every day can be a horrible burden if you let it. But if you just live with it, go with it, dive right in, it can be an enlightening experience. You'll even surprise yourself with what you come up with.

          When someone on "Mad Men" says copywriting is hard work, don't laugh. There is plenty of heavy lifting, but it's all in your head.

          One day Ross' father came in to visit him at the office. He asked Ross what he was doing. Ross said, "I'm drawing some people driving down a highway". His father said, "You're drawing at work? Don't let your boss find out!"

          It's wonderful to have a boss who encourages it.